What's your damage, Heather?
i was browsing around the internet while waiting for my task (task dependency is a bitch) and i found out that there's a possible sequel to Heathers. yes, Heathers. the cult classic movie about high school, popularity and murder. awesome film.
i have often told people that i remember nothing about my high school life. selective amnesia so to speak. lately though, bits and pieces are coming back. and i don't even know if that is a good thing.
during the last months of my senior year, i told myself that when i leave that place, i want my life to be different. i was just so scarred by my high school experience. and i am not exaggerating here. everything about that place gives me the creeps. so, i made a promise that one day i will make a name for myself and slap my achievements to all the girls who bullied me, the so-called friends who abused me and the people who endlessly teased me because i was never pretty enough. i assured myself that in time, these popular kids will eventually grow older and (hopefully) be ugly and fat.
when i graduated, i kept in touch with one person in my class. eventually though we grew apart and rarely see each other (she's now married with a kid). last year, i met another one. in the underpass tunnel of Ayala, both of us on our way to work. she was one of the good ones so i readily gave her my number. for the past few months, we've exchanged facebook info, followed each other on twitter, chatted via YM and met occasionally for drinks or coffee. she has always been the most sensible person i met in high school and we were pretty close back then. even though she's popular, she never for once left me hanging and i appreciated her for that. unlike me, she has her own set of friends in high school that she's still in touch with (i can only wonder what that's like). and it was also through her that i managed to know what the rest of my class has been up to for the past 10 years.
if my life were a movie, i would be this big shot executive with the highest possible salary you can imagine. or i would be this popular published writer on her way to her 4th international bestseller. or i would be a famous scriptwriter for critically acclaimed independent films. but alas, i am not. i believe that i have not really found my passion in life and i am merely going with the flow. i am grossly underpaid. my job stresses me very much and i am still my ugly little self. in short, other than a degree and a job, i have not changed much. and so did the popular kids in high school.
they are neither fat nor ugly (then again, this is solely based on facebook profile pictures ...and i saw a bunch of them once in this reunion thing i had 6 months ago...which i kind of enjoyed). most of them have good jobs, steady earnings, or happily married. they're not irresponsible or seen better days or lead a meaningless existence (i just described my life here).
i never should've relied too much on karma.
i am kidding.
really, my fate has nothing to do with these popular kids. i am where i am now because of the decisions i've made. and if i don't do something about my perpetual unhappiness with myself, i will never get anywhere.
*sigh*
musings on a lazy thursday afternoon.
is anyone actually reading this?
i have often told people that i remember nothing about my high school life. selective amnesia so to speak. lately though, bits and pieces are coming back. and i don't even know if that is a good thing.
during the last months of my senior year, i told myself that when i leave that place, i want my life to be different. i was just so scarred by my high school experience. and i am not exaggerating here. everything about that place gives me the creeps. so, i made a promise that one day i will make a name for myself and slap my achievements to all the girls who bullied me, the so-called friends who abused me and the people who endlessly teased me because i was never pretty enough. i assured myself that in time, these popular kids will eventually grow older and (hopefully) be ugly and fat.
when i graduated, i kept in touch with one person in my class. eventually though we grew apart and rarely see each other (she's now married with a kid). last year, i met another one. in the underpass tunnel of Ayala, both of us on our way to work. she was one of the good ones so i readily gave her my number. for the past few months, we've exchanged facebook info, followed each other on twitter, chatted via YM and met occasionally for drinks or coffee. she has always been the most sensible person i met in high school and we were pretty close back then. even though she's popular, she never for once left me hanging and i appreciated her for that. unlike me, she has her own set of friends in high school that she's still in touch with (i can only wonder what that's like). and it was also through her that i managed to know what the rest of my class has been up to for the past 10 years.
if my life were a movie, i would be this big shot executive with the highest possible salary you can imagine. or i would be this popular published writer on her way to her 4th international bestseller. or i would be a famous scriptwriter for critically acclaimed independent films. but alas, i am not. i believe that i have not really found my passion in life and i am merely going with the flow. i am grossly underpaid. my job stresses me very much and i am still my ugly little self. in short, other than a degree and a job, i have not changed much. and so did the popular kids in high school.
they are neither fat nor ugly (then again, this is solely based on facebook profile pictures ...and i saw a bunch of them once in this reunion thing i had 6 months ago...which i kind of enjoyed). most of them have good jobs, steady earnings, or happily married. they're not irresponsible or seen better days or lead a meaningless existence (i just described my life here).
i never should've relied too much on karma.
i am kidding.
really, my fate has nothing to do with these popular kids. i am where i am now because of the decisions i've made. and if i don't do something about my perpetual unhappiness with myself, i will never get anywhere.
*sigh*
musings on a lazy thursday afternoon.
is anyone actually reading this?
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